Our Marriage

This message was sent to me and I decided to share it with you all.

A touching story on marriage….

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other.

She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.

Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms.

His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more.

There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.

I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.

Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even
notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from a negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.

At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

Remain blessed.

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Nadia

It’s been a year now since Nadia sadly left us. Her pictures on the wall of the Ellen Terry building in Coventry still show how much she is greatly missed.

It brings to mind the day I slipped down the icy stairs by the Bugatti building, I lifted my head to a concerned voice asking “are you ok”. That was Nadia’s.

You were a gift not just to your family but to all who knew you. Our friendship was for a short while, but we can all say you were truly an amazing person.

 

Be safe in the Arms of the Angels.

We still remember you.

Rest in peace (R.I.P)

Tributes to her:

https://nanaamaakpoblu.wordpress.com/?s=suddenly

http://cutoday.net/2011/02/09/nadia-baird-gone-too-soon/

In Time for Christmas

My journey home for Christmas this year is a far cry from last year. Last year’s journey was just painful. With heavy snow fall, I just had to be optimistic about getting home. When I got to London was when it hit me I should brace myself for not getting home any sooner.

Everywhere was covered in heavy snow and it wasn’t helpful all the buses were not taking me as far as I wanted to go or even close enough to connect to the next bus service.

I was stranded, I was cold and I couldn’t even cry if I wanted to. My dear uncle was supposed to pick me up. Guess what……..he skidded and crush into a lamppost. Don’t worry he’s fine now and was fine even then only the car got damaged thank God.

After what seemed like years. I got a bus that would take me closer to connect my journey. Unfortunately, that also terminated because it couldn’t climb the hill for fear of skidding. We were all alighted and I was looking so helpless because my chances of getting home were getting slimmer.

I wheeled my suitcase painfully and achingly through the snow. Had my laptop with me which weighs a tone, my hand bag and an extra bag. Even with gloves my fingers where so frozen I couldn’t text let alone answer my phone.

This time round there was no snow and no stress. All I had was my suitcase with my laptop in it and my handbag. This time my journey was smooth and I totally liked where I sat on the train.

“Awful Journey”

Yesterday was one of my worse train journeys ever. I left the house in enough time, got to Euston at five minutes past 2pm. Ouch! I had to get on the three minutes past 2pm train. I missed it!

My ticket was a standard one and this meant it was not valid on the next Virgin train on the plat form. The Virgin one way ticket was way too expensive so I bought the London midland ticket instead.

I went straight to platform 8 and without double checking I got on the train on the stand. The train took off earlier than expected. I checked my time in amazement and was very surprised by the unusual early departure. The onboard announcement began only for me to realise I was on the train to Tring. I was looking very confused. I have heard of Tring but have no idea where that is. After a few minutes of brain storming, I spoke to one of the crew members. A very kind looking gentleman who advised me to get off at Watford junction and change for the Coventry service.

I boarded the train which arrived ten minutes after I got off in Watford junction. When we got to Bletchley, we were delayed because they couldn’t find a conductor to take over. After wasting our time for minutes unend, the train was cancelled and we were all alighted. This journey started on a bad note and it was not looking better but as typical of me I kept my calm.

We joined the next service to Northampton and in Northampton, the train terminated. Again. Now I was getting very restless, chilly and hungry. So were the other passengers I was travelling with. I waited twenty minutes for the next service and arrived in Coventry at 5:38pm. What an awful journey.

Dad called me when I got home to check on me. He asked if my train went through Leighton Buzzard. I said yes. He also asked if I used the ladies in Leighton Buzzard to which I laughed because the questions were weird. It was then told me a woman had just died in a fire outbreak on the London midland service from Northampton to London. As somewhat typical of dad he said serious things as if he was joking so I didn’t take him seriously.

I went online to find out for myself and these were my findings.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1375827/Woman-dies-toilet-cubicle-Leighton-Buzzard-train.html

I was shocked with what I found. I left Northampton at 4:56pm and the incident happened at 5:07pm. What more can I say except Thank God for travelling mercies. Whoever this woman was may her soul rest in peace.

“Suddenly”

When I slipped down the icy stairs on that snowy day by the Bugatti building and in your concerned voiced you asked: “Are you ok?”, little did I know you were saying good bye.

When I hugged you and wished you a happy Christmas and you wished me the same, little did I know you were saying good bye.

As I dragged my bag from the station and met you that Sunday evening with a smile on your face and in your voice as we exchanged pleasantries; little did I know you were saying good bye.

As you cheerfully filled the plastic cups with popcorn in preparation for CUEAFS film screening and we shared a light-hearted conversation; little did I know that was the last time I was speaking to you.

Nadia, you were a gift not only to your family but to all who knew you. I only got to know you towards the end of last term, however the minutes I spent talking to you, it was obvious to tell you are truly an amazing person.

One thing I know is people were always forthright in letting you know how much you were loved and how much you meant to them.

It saddens me that heavens deems it right to take you away from us suddenly. In as much as it’s painful to bear I believe you are safe in the Arms of the Angels.

Some things in life we might never understand why, but I believe you are safe wherever you are.

You memories will forever be with us.

May you find rest……

Rest in peace…..

Safe journey…..

(Nadia’s was laid to rest on Monday 14th of February at the Canley Crematorium in Coventry)